Clear Thoughts & Random S**t!

I always come on here and talk about the New York Jets.  Either about the documentary, the team, the organization or to even post other articles from various sources.  I feel that no one is really caring about what is going on to sports fans in this country.  Seems many are aware and do not care.  Do not care that they and their families can not afford to attend sporting events on the professional/major league level.  A lot of people I interview say one thing and try to be the proud fan and not go with what the team/organization wants.  Next I see them with their tail between their legs, head down, and caving in to what the team wants.  So people know they are sheep are will always go with the herd, even if the herd turn out to be lemmings.  It is hard to find those who stick to their beliefs and do not cave in to peer pressure.   I have more respect for those who stick to their guns than those who feel they have to be a part of the majority and feel that is the way to be accepted. Those who have the disposable income will argue this.  Just because one can afford certain luxuries does not make you a better fan than someone else.  Takes a bigger person to be humble than egotistical.

OK,  I had to get that off my chest.  Not aiming it at anyone specific.  Just feel there are so many football fans out there willing to go quietly into the night.  We all have a voice in this country and we all deserve to use it.  I do not care if no one reads this I just feel the need to get certain things off my chest.  I do not get hundreds or visitors here, not even an average of 10 people a day come here.  I do not care.  Eventually, when you make enough noise someone will hear you.  I can scream and make noise until the day I die.  I hold back a lot and do not let my true opinions be heard.  I just felt the need to be 100%  open on so many things.  A lot may come out rambled but hey, this is my blog and I will do it however I feel like it.  So used to holding back and not speaking my mind.  Following rules and doing what it takes to make other happy.  I have not been doing what it takes to keep myself happy.  I have so much pent up inside the Incredible Hulk is about to come out, without the devastating destruction of course.  Just want my mind and soul to be free of a lot of opinions and thoughts. So here goes..

I liked doing the insurance thing.  Felt good to help people.  I did not like being one who relied on commission for my income, was not me.  I need that steady income ocming in from a base salary or even a contract job.  At least you have something in writing or a guaranteed check coming in.  I worked with people who did certain things just to make that commission though.  Some did underhanded things because they knew the size of the commission they would get.  Some did not even have the proper licensing to give the advice they were giving.  At the company I worked for, they prayed on the weak minded and ill informed about their portfolios just to sell them certain products.  If I saw a person was in good shape or could not afford something, I would not sell them something.  I would not sell to someone just for that commission.  Some did just to make that commission, even if it was not good for the client.  Sometimes it felt I was one of the only people with a conscious in that place. Some did everything they wanted to do just to get ahead.

I was in some trouble in the late 90’s, nothing major.  I needed an attorney.  There were a few others with me at the time who knew first hand what happened.  I covered for one of them and changed my story with my attorney to protect one who I thought was my friend.  When I asked them to talk to my attorney to give their story to help me, they wouldn’t.  They gave me excuse after excuse.  One said he could not even get to a phone to talk to my attorney.  hiding down the shore during a project claiming there was no phone to get to.  I told very few others about what happened and those not involved offered to help.  They offered to help pay my attorney fees but I said I would take care of it.  Others even wanted to go after those who were involved and didn’t help me when needed.  I told them I appreciated it and I knew if they went after them, they would not be walking.  If this same incident had happened to someone else close to the ones who did not help me, both of them would have helped.  To me, the guys who were with me that night were cowards and not my true friends.  They hid and did not want to be involved.   If they considered me a friend, they would have helped me out.  Instead, they let me to rot and could not even help me in a time of need.  Even when both came out form under their rock, neither offed any assitance.  I know if it happened to other mutual friends, they would have been there for them.  No matter what excuses they gave me, I will never believe them in my life and they will always be liars and pussies in my book.  Karma is a major bitch and as Roddy Piper said in They Live, he is back in heat.  I am sure she had multiple orgasms over this.

First time I got that out to someone other than my wife.  My hands even shook a bit as I typed it.  Guess I kept that down in me long enough it just felt good to let it out. I really do not know why I felt nervous.  Not like I am going to screw over a friendship.  Maybe nervous because for the first time I am actually writing from the gut.  Getting out true emotion I kept down and never got off my chest.     I knew the aforementioned guys form professional wrestling.  I was back stabbed and screwed over so many times when I was involved in professional wrestling.  I was naive and gullible, some took advantage of that early on.  plus I was not the most mature person.  Only later I would smarten up and be mature.  Took too long to get there.  The only true friends I have from wrestling I can count on one hand and I knew MANY.  The only way to really survive is if you have TRUE talent or willing to back stab your way to the top.  Nice guys like me never see the finish line.  Too much drama in wrestling too and I am talking about behind the curtain.

I always push off writing.  I look at my laptop and tell myself later.  Well, later is here.  I know I need to write more often and keeping myself to a structure is not working for me.  I guess from now on, anything goes.  Whatever I feel like writing about I will.  If I manage to anger someone or piss someone off, then I guess someone is actually paying attention to what I write.  At this point in my life, I do not care who I piss off anymore. No more holding back.  Some truths or opinions need to be told.  At this point, any attention is good attention.  Might have to add to this later.   Reminds me of what the Joker (Jack Nicholson) said in Batman, “it feels very liberating”.

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